Getting Your House in Order: A Parent's Guide to Gaining Control and Security

In this episode of QFW Parenting, host KeisaB provides a guide to preparing for life’s lessons and gaining control in uneasy times. The goal is to help you feel more secure by getting your ducks in a row.

Transcript

KeisaB 0:00

What does it mean to prepare yourself for life's lessons, as we call them? Every year we get a bit wiser. Every year we learn from all of our past mistakes, and this year and many years before, have always prepared us for something coming. It could have been us getting insurance. Like car insurance or renter's insurance. It could have been us putting a little bit of money away, even if it's a couple hundred dollars for that day where we might have to tap into it. And usually that day did come. I never thought I was a prepper or that many people that I know that did that were considered preppers in the traditional sense we talk about here in The U.S. But there is something about being your natural self and wanting to protect what you consider to be yours and that you care about and that you love. I think all of us can relate to that, especially being a parent. The second you start to care give for another being, Maybe you started off as having fur babies and do love those dogs, cats, spiders, reptiles, even if having a fish, whatever it might be. And then now you're parenting human beings. Yours. Yours, by choice are yours by something that has happened and totally upended your world and you've had to. Shift. But if it was prepared, something that you had planned on, then you're pretty much being prepared for that. in these times that are happening and things feel really uneasy and that we might not have control over a lot of things, here are some things that maybe we can do that can give us more feeling of control, more feeling that we can do this, that we can get through this because we can, we most definitely can get through this. And it always helps when we have our ducks in a row. We have our shit in order, our house is taken care of for us to feel a lot more secure. So let's get into it.

Intro

KeisaB 2:44 KeisaB 2:48

Hey friends, this is KeisaB with QFW Parenting, everything, non-traditional parenting And welcome and thank you for being part of our village and sharing your ideas and in insights and techniques, and listening to everything that we can provide here at QFW Parenting, as well as @qfamilyway.com.

KeisaB 3:16

so to start off, I wanna think of things you can do today, one being review your expenses today for the past three months and check every four weeks. This is to ensure there are no questionable transactions, reoccurring subscriptions that should not be there, pay later fees, whatever it might be that stands out to you while you are reviewing your expenses. This is such an eyeopener for most people since they spend, and then aren't tracking. Just doing that today. Stop what you're doing. Take five. Actually, I don't know how long it will take, but it won't take long. A lot of us might spend, but we can really highlight a lot of those things that maybe we are spending that, um, look a little odd, especially if you're using a bank that you can access your online

What to start today

KeisaB 4:21

statements, go to your last statement and just look through that PDF or document. It's usually pretty clear versus looking at the screen version, which can add sometimes. A couple, um, just how our eyes move on the screen as we scroll, makes it so it might be hard for us to see some or catch some of those disparities, so I always recommend going ahead and downloading that PDF or looking at a PDF or document statement. That's usually given by your bank. If you don't have that, if you have a ledger that you hand write. because you're using a lot more cash, then do it that way. If you haven't been using a ledger and you do a lot of cash, you get a lot of tips and you don't have some type of software that you're adding in those cash dollars every time you receive them when they come in or when they're going out, I recommend going ahead and starting that or, uh, going ahead and starting a, even a hand ledger. Don't wait for say, oh, technology is gonna cost me something. Start today. Write down, right now while you're thinking about it, uh, what are the things I spent today, today, and yesterday? Let me hand write it down Think about the other transactions in your family. Who else has access to your bank accounts? Do you have a shared bank account with your partner or spouse? Do you have something that your kids are also accessing? Then if you have that, you want to start tracking every single expense. Everything that's coming. Let's say for right now, everything that's coming out of that bank account so that you can, again, catch the questionable transactions. If there are any questionable

Check last bank or CC statements

KeisaB 6:15

fees, contact the bank immediately and unsubscribe if you need to, and stop those immediately. If there is something you're like, oh, I thought I stopped that subscription to X, Y, and Z streaming service. Go ahead and cancel it. Cancel it today. If your family has not watched that streaming service in the past three weeks, two weeks even. 'cause a lot of us do watch a lot of tv. A month, two months, three months, and no one has checked in it. Go ahead and unsubscribe. That is a waste of money and time to think, oh, there might be something new. The great thing about those streaming services is that you can pause them. You don't have to always be paying for them. Pause them, unsubscribe and guess. Guess what? They will let you back in. They will always want your money back, and more than likely, they might try to persuade you with a lower deal to come back so. Definitely something to do right now. After you've

Questionable fees?

KeisaB 7:25

done those two things, take a step back and just breathe. Take five breaths with inhaling of four, and out slowly for eight. We just did two and it didn't take very long at all. Again, if that's, you're taking 12 seconds a breath, notice how different you feel, especially after doing something like that, which can get us a little anxious. Go ahead and take five breaths. Right after you get done with it, before you move on to the next task, do your five breaths and then tomorrow set a plan to save 10%

Take a breath - you did it

KeisaB 8:22

of every dollar that you receive and set it aside in a place you or others cannot touch easily.

KeisaB 8:35

And use a percentage. And why do we choose 10%? It's attainable. It's easy math. So if you have $100 and $10 goes here, $90 goes into the budget that you can actually spend. But 10 is always going into, maybe you have that special savings account, it goes in that savings account, and that's it. It's not even looked at. It's not touched. Every single dollar that comes into your place, that comes into your account, that comes into your house via cash is put away. Is it that white envelope that is set aside? It is put somewhere that no one else maybe knows about and only you. If you are the one that takes charge of your finances in your house, go ahead and start that. Meaning that your budget, for instance, if you had a thousand dollars that came in every month, $900 is now what you pay your expenses on. That's it. $900. It's like that didn't even exist. That extra a hundred dollars didn't even exist. Put it away. Start that right now and do it as a percentage A percentage could be, no matter what amount of money you have it, it's a good scalable amount, and then watch those savings grow. That's a great way to start saving right now because this is the time none of us need to be spending. All of us need to be

10% Saving Method

KeisaB 10:05

saving and spending on what we want to and can, but we really need to be putting away. Cash liquidity money into places where we can reach it, but we don't see it every day. Right. Something we, so not locking it necessarily into, um, your, your, your travel fund or into I'm gonna buy a house fund. Those things are great to save for if you plan on traveling, that's great. But this is something separate. This is that quote unquote, I need to have this when shit hits the fan. We're just gonna put it out there. So go ahead and have that, and then once you do it, because again, it's hard for us to separate our money.

Creating Liquidity a MUST right now

KeisaB 11:05

Wow. I feel. I feel more relaxed after even two breaths. So do five breaths again right after you do that. Every time you do a major task that I'm going to mention to get your house in order, go ahead and take some breaths. Do something that's going to lower your blood pressure, lower any of that anxiety. Put a smile on your face. Pat yourself on the back.

KeisaB 11:34

Those are the things because you have just taken a major step in preparing yourself and your family for whatever might come. And the great thing about thinking of prepping in this way is it's about gaining control over your life. There's so many things that we

Take Another Breath and Smile

KeisaB 11:56

feel aren't in control because they aren't in our control right now. What we can control. Is what's going on in our lives, our everyday lives, and especially our money, right? Our money, our income streams, as well as how we spend. Right? Go ahead. You take control of that because you can.. Really reign in the things that you can take control of and see how much more it relaxes you. If you are not the person that usually traditionally does the finances in your family, and that's what causes a lot of anxiety, then go ahead and ask whoever does do it to sit down with you so that you can understand what you're spending every month. For the next month. See that doc? That, that, that, that statement. Just say, oh, send me that statement. If you don't have access to that account for one reason or another, send me that statement for the last month right now. If you can send it to me. Give them a deadline though. Give them a time and say, please send me this statement. Love you kisses. Thank you. And then

Gaining Control - Lessen Anxiety

KeisaB 13:08

after that. Start setting aside and say, I would love to set aside 10%. How can we figure out what accounts or where we hold that money and let's do it together? You know, if they start to feel dis resentful, I don't know the situation in your household and how people balance different responsibilities, but at the same time, go ahead and control that. Because, and if you don't have access to that and they seem like they might, then you want to go ahead and do something separate, on your own. But you got to do it. You have to do it for yourself and for your loved one, especially for your kids. if you do that and you take control of your life and the not so near future, you will find freedom. You will feel more free. And that. Is what our ultimate goals are. Our ultimate goals are to feel free. Free to be who we are, free to love who we are, free to have our families be structured and safe and secure. Right? I mean, that's what I want. we can get there and know you can.

KeisaB 14:25

So now let's get your physical house

Feel More Free

KeisaB 14:27

in order. Let's organize paperwork. When I say paperwork, I'm not saying necessarily actual physical papers, though they might be. I'm thinking those. Those documents that if something happened, we wanna get our hands on them or get access to them. And they were like, oh, I don't have access to my social security card number or my social security card, but I need to update my license. Because in the United States, we are moving towards, a government ID that has a lot more checks and balances on it. You're going to have to show your social security number possibly, or your card. You might have to show some other documents, like the actual birth certificate, so it could be a copy of it, but it has to be an authorized copy, so get those things in order. Not just because you might want to have it if your family does need to up and move somewhere else, or even travel outside the country, as I had talked about, um, in our previous, uh, podcast episodes, but also just for every day because we are becoming more and more bureaucratic in many of our countries. So make sure you have your ducks in a row. So birth certificates, think birth certificates. Thank your kids' birth certificates as well, and yours and your partners. I mean, start there. Don't you can, you know, you can get to your parents as well if they're your dependents, but make sure you have those, those documents, birth certificates, marriage licenses, um, anything that connects you to those people, especially if you are in a relationship and you don't have the same last name as everyone else in your family. I know many women who have this situation where they have a different surname or last name than their partner and their kids. these documents are going to be super critical to you if you have a will or an estate plan and you have a copy of that will estate plan health insurance. Excuse me. Life insurance. If you have a copy of your life insurance, the deed to your home, where is that? Most of us are like, oh yeah, I might have the deed to my home or my car. I have a deed to my car 'cause I own my car outright. But where is that? start making a list These are things check off right now. You can hand write them, you can write them down really quick, but just don't let it go by. Write a list so that you

Critical documents organized

KeisaB 17:07

can check it off. I like checking things off. I know that my wife really likes checking things off too, and I understand that satisfaction of checking off your to-do list, it makes you smile a little bit. Like, oh, I look at all the things I got done, so make sure those things that I mentioned are at the top of your list. Passports. Those things that I just mentioned are gonna be needed for a passport. They're gonna be needed for, if you want to go get, um, those documents, apostles. So if you're gonna move to another country, they might need an apostle version, and we'll go through that in another episode. What does apostle mean and what you might need if you're gonna be moving abroad to another country? And what documentsto get in. So after, again, you did that, take a breath.

KeisaB 17:52

Another

Create a list and check things off

KeisaB 17:53

thing is to take advantage of any of those free services to protect your loved ones. especially in the instance that something happens to you and you wanna make sure that you and your partners and you and your partner's kids and everything that you've built together is protected. So I'm not just talking a will, but a will. I am talking about an estate planned as well, so this might have been talked about a good bit because of the Supreme Court and everything that's been going on with the Supreme Court. And one thing you want to be able to do. Is in that estate plan. You want to have

Find the free services

KeisaB 18:35

some language. Again, I am not a lawyer. You want to be able to go through a lawyer to do this, but there are key things that you wanna make sure it says spouse on the documents. Let me get my little cheat sheet here about everything, so I wanna make sure I'm giving you the correct information. All documents need to include a definition of spouse. Designed to protect against any future changes in statutory or decisional law that would overturn or unwind the rights associated with marriage equality. So this is specifically if you are married now in the United States going into doing this. For instance, the Supreme Court as of September, excuse me, out of October 6th, is getting back in session. They have said they will review marriage equality. Go ahead and get these things done. So you want a rev, a revocable living trust. In that,, it will do hospital visitation, healthcare power of attorney, your living will, your events directive, any pet care that you want to have done in the instance of something happens to you. this will also set up for your kids and what you plan for your kids. The great thing that I've seen recently, it's like even, um, organizations like the Y. Are providing these for free. So go look for those free services in your community so you can take advantage and make sure that your family, your non-traditional family, is taken care of.

Estate Planning and Will

KeisaB 20:18

All right, so now do we do that? We take a breath, we put ourselves in the back. We just did that Great job.

KeisaB 20:26

So after you have protected your loved ones in that way, take 20 minutes of movement a day. Now this is getting your physical house in order as well. When I think physical house, I also think my mental and physical health, we already talked about breathing and how important that is to gain control over your emotions, over your thoughts. Now let's think about that. Movement is also gonna help control your, your body, what's going inside your body. 'cause if you're not your best health, then it's also not gonna help when things get out of control. That's bringing back control, right? Even 20 minutes of movement walking is an amazing way. 20 minutes of walking. Park a park farther away when you're going to the store, park farther away when you're picking up your kids, Like it's use whatever you have the ability to do to walk, walk, walk, and continue to walk. That will be a game changer in your life and moving forward. And every time that you get an opportunity to look out the window, go outside if you can. If you can talk to someone on the phone, talk to them outside, breathe in the trees, in the air, and whatever you have around you, You know, be careful of inhaling things that can also detriment you, but I'm saying move your body. Let's move our bodies to also take control of our lives and continue to have freedom as we get older. That's the The first thing, if you have already been walking, you are already moving, you're writing those things. Think about weightlifting, think about doing some body weights, like just your weight of your body. Even it's just up and down and stretching. Every single day. I move my arms over my head for those you can't see. I moving my eyes over my head. I'm stretching down towards my feet. I am crossing, crossing over. I'm doing all these things to make sure that I am moving my body. I'm moving in my rotating my ankles, I'm rotating my wrists so I don't get carpal tunnel. Ugh. I'm doing it all. So. Doing these things and discussing them is a great

Physical and Mental Health Tips

KeisaB 23:06

way to then move into other ways we think about prepping, doing these things first though, do the things you could do today. reviewing your expenses, setting a plan to save 10%, not, not with goals to save and then. Preparing to gain control in your physical house as well.

KeisaB 23:26

Do those things, get 'em done, and then move on to, well, what if the world literally falls out? What are the next steps I can do? And maybe you become that everyday modern prepper, home, studying, foraging, um, like the use of your hands. All those things are like every day. Those things will translate into amazing ways for you to help yourself and your family down the road. Sometimes you could be that not so secret doomsday prepper, like hoarding, hunkering down, but don't Those things really aren't gonna help if you also don't have the money to then hoard. So that's where that savings comes in. I, I, I kind of make fun, but at the same time, I, those things are, can be helpful, but at the same time, if something did happen, we probably should look in some other, some other ways. One thing too that I also looked into was some really awesome and fun

What's next? Traditional Prepping

KeisaB 24:25

queer hosted prepper sites and podcasts. So if you are looking for that after you've done all the things we mentioned before, earlier in the episode, you can look at live like the World is dying.com. There is also a Reddit thread on LGBT, uh, community on Reddit, and it's called a queer preppers. Yes. So go ahead to queer preppers. See what other queer folks are out there doing, talking about. Usually we're just trying to find community with within ourselves. Are there anyone else thinking like we are? It could be. It could be really nice to just know that you're not alone. And then another one on iHeartRadio, it's called, it Could Happen Here. And that's real dark. So if you're really into darkness, then you can look into that. Or if it doesn't really affect you, like for me, it doesn't affect me. I can talk about prepping and what does it mean to think through these scenarios so that you can mentally be prepared for what could possibly come down the road. Not that you have to like build a bunker necessarily, but it's always kind of good to have the back of your mind. I'm, I'm really into that type of, um, lore, post-apocalyptic books, but I digress.

Queer Prepping Outlets

KeisaB 25:49 KeisaB 25:49

So thank you so much everyone for joining me for another episode of QFW Parenting, brought to you by Q Family Way. Please do visit our website, subscribe, and if you're looking for more episodes like this, I have some more on the way, including a really awesome pride one as well. So we continue to have the love as well as the education and the community building

Outro

KeisaB 26:15

all in one platform. Thank you so much. Have a good day and be well.